Anger Coping Skills: Evidence-Based Ways to Cool Down in the Moment
Anger coping skills are practical ways to pause, settle tension, and choose a safe response when anger rises. Use this free printable PDF to prepare skills you can practice while calm.
Reviewed byMichael Callans, MSWCalm the body in the moment
- Breathe out slowly: make the exhale longer than the inhale, for several breaths. This is the fastest way to signal safety to your nervous system.
- Take a time-out: step away from the situation for at least 20 minutes so the adrenaline can clear. Say you will return, and do.
- Cool down physically: splash cold water on your face, hold something cold, or step outside into fresh air.
- Move: walk briskly, climb stairs, or do something physical to burn off the surge of energy.
- Relax your body deliberately: unclench your jaw and fists, drop your shoulders, and let your hands go loose.
Cool the hot thoughts
- Ask: is this as big a deal as it feels right now, or will it matter in a week?
- Look for a fairer reading: could they be stressed, tired, or mistaken rather than deliberately against me?
- Drop the demands: swap "they must" and "this should not happen" for "I would prefer" and "I can handle this."
- Use a calming phrase: "I can stay in control," or "getting angry will not fix this."
- Picture the cost: imagine how you will feel after an outburst versus after handling it calmly.
Express it without blowing up
- Wait until you are below boiling point before raising the issue.
- Use "I" statements: "I felt dismissed when..." rather than "you always..."
- Be specific about the behavior and what you would like instead.
- Listen as well as speak. Feeling heard often lowers anger on both sides.
- If it heats up again, it is fine to pause and come back to it.
Lower your reactivity over time
- Protect your sleep. Tiredness shortens everyone's fuse.
- Move your body regularly. Exercise lowers baseline stress and tension.
- Watch alcohol and stimulants, which weaken impulse control.
- Address ongoing stressors and unresolved problems instead of letting them simmer.
- Practice a relaxation skill daily so calm is your default, not just your emergency setting.
The time-out is not avoidance
Stepping away during conflict is not running from the problem. It is a deliberate pause so your body can settle and your thinking can return, which is exactly when productive conversation becomes possible again. The key is to come back to the issue once you are calm, not to use the time-out to disappear from it. For skills that cover other feelings too, the full coping skills library is grouped by anxiety, anger, sadness, and overwhelm. Once you are calm again, the anger iceberg can help you work out what was underneath the outburst, so the conversation addresses the real thing. Couples who agree on time-outs in advance can write that agreement into their fair fighting rules, so stepping away never reads as walking out.
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“I work with individuals and couples who struggle with anger, marriage on the brink, or need help with communication skills.”
Mission Viejo, California Telehealth $150 to $200 per session
About this tool
Anger coping skills are actions you can practice to respond safely when you feel angry. This free printable guide combines calming exercises, ways to reconsider angry thoughts, and communication steps for difficult moments. Anger can involve physical tension, a racing heart, and an urge to react quickly. Try gentle breathing, relaxing tense muscles, or taking a safe break, then consider what you need to communicate. Different situations call for different skills, and there is no universal fastest technique. Choose a response you can use without hurting yourself, another person, or property, and practice it while calm.
Calming the body is only half of it. Anger is fueled by hot thoughts: "this is unfair," "they did it on purpose," "I cannot stand this." Cooling those thoughts, by questioning them, finding a fairer interpretation, or using a calming phrase, can help you reconsider your response. This is the cognitive side of anger management, and it can help you prepare for the same trigger in a future situation.
Coping skills are not just for crisis moments. Much of anger management is preventive: enough sleep, managing stress, regular exercise, limiting alcohol, and addressing the problems that keep generating frustration. People who are chronically tired, stressed, or overextended have a much shorter fuse, so the everyday habits matter as much as the in-the-moment tools.
Like any skill, these get stronger with practice. The first time you try to breathe through anger it may barely dent it. Practiced regularly, when calm and during smaller irritations, they become a habit you can reach for automatically when it counts.
This approach traces back to psychologist Raymond Novaco, who developed cognitive-behavioral anger management, including stress inoculation training, in the 1970s. Reviews of anger management programs built on his model have found they reduce anger intensity and outbursts across adult and adolescent groups, which is why the skills here combine a body-calming step with a thought-cooling step rather than relying on either alone. Research on a full anger management program does not establish that this printable card alone produces the same results. SAMHSA also describes an approach combining relaxation, cognitive skills, and communication practice, with an individualized plan.
If anger is showing up often, damaging relationships, costing you a job, or tipping into aggression you regret, these skills are a starting point, not a full treatment plan. A therapist who specializes in anger can help you map your specific triggers and build a longer-term plan. You can search for one in the Psychology.com therapist directory.
Use your practice as feedback. After a disagreement, note the cue you noticed, the action you tried, and what you did next. For example, you may still feel angry while managing to speak without insults. That observation can help you decide what to rehearse again. The card has no diagnostic score or pass requirement. Bring examples to a therapist if your plan repeatedly feels difficult to use.
Prepare what you will say when requesting a break, and agree on how to resume the discussion when it is safe. Avoid following the other person, blocking an exit, or continuing the argument through messages during the break. Returning to a conversation depends on safety; you do not need to resume an interaction involving threats. Seek immediate help when someone is in danger.
The Anger Warning Signs Worksheet can help you identify when to use a skill. Use the Anger Management Worksheet to organize your plan, and the Coping Skills Library to explore related exercises. The Anger Issues Test is a separate self-assessment for reflecting on patterns, and cannot diagnose the cause of anger.
References
- American Psychological Association. Controlling anger before it controls you. APA; 2023.
- Deffenbacher JL, et al. Cognitive-behavioral conceptualization and treatment of anger. Cognit Behav Pract. 2007.
- Novaco RW. Anger control: The development and evaluation of an experimental treatment. Lexington Books; 1975.
- DiGiuseppe R, Tafrate RC. Anger treatment for adults: a meta-analytic review. Clin Psychol Sci Pract. 2003.
- Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. Anger Management for Substance Use Disorder and Mental Health Clients: A Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy Manual. https://www.govinfo.gov/app/details/GOVPUB-HE20-PURL-gpo129407
Cite this source
Psychology.com. (2026, September 16). Anger Coping Skills. Psychology.com. https://psychology.com/tools/anger-coping-skills
Anger Coping Skills FAQ
What is the fastest way to calm down when angry?
There is no technique that works fastest for everyone. Try pausing the conversation, breathing gently, and releasing tension in your jaw or hands. If you can safely step away, explain that you need a break. Choose a skill you have practiced, and judge your readiness to return by whether you can speak respectfully and listen.
Does counting to ten actually work?
It can, because it inserts a pause before you react. It works better paired with slow breathing or a brief time-out, which give your body time to calm and your thinking time to return. Reaching the end of a count does not mean you must resume a conversation. Check whether you can speak respectfully and listen before returning.
Is taking a time-out just avoiding the problem?
No, as long as you return to it. A time-out is a deliberate pause so you can settle and think clearly, then come back and handle the issue calmly rather than in the heat of the moment. Agree on how to reconnect, and avoid using the break to continue the argument through messages. Safety takes priority if someone feels threatened.
How do I stop getting angry so easily in general?
Lower your baseline reactivity: protect your sleep, exercise, limit alcohol, manage ongoing stress, and practice a relaxation skill regularly. A rested, less-stressed body has a longer fuse. Look for recurring situations and practice a response before they happen again. If anger keeps harming relationships, work, or safety, seek professional support.
Are anger coping skills the same as anger management therapy?
No. These skills are a free, practical starting point you can use on your own, drawn from the same cognitive-behavioral research that anger management therapy is built on. Therapy goes further, working with a professional to identify your specific triggers and patterns and build a plan tailored to your life.
Do these anger coping skills work for teenagers too?
Teenagers can practice anger coping skills such as noticing early cues, taking an agreed break, and describing a concern without insults. Adapt the plan with a trusted adult so it fits school and home expectations. Frequent aggression, threats, or difficulties that disrupt daily life deserve support from a qualified professional who works with adolescents.